The Shit

Last week we had some warm weather and the kids and I spent a lot of time in the back yard. There were many moments that I stared at Lily and Noah playing, trying to burn the memory into my brain, all the while knowing that my memory will not be able to store all of the precious moments. The most precious moments are not necessarily big moments. They are cute little things they will say or do. Like when I was putting on Lily's shoe and she said hi and kissed me on the cheek. Or when I was sitting on a step and Noah came up to me, gave me a hug and then a kiss. If I could only freeze the look on his face.

I love being with the kids. Sure, I have moments when they frustrate me, but for the most part, I am loving what I am doing. I love being outside with them, the wind in our hair, music playing, birds chirping. I felt such a sense of peace last week and I told Ro that I think I just added back 10 years to my life because I have no stress. The kids don't cause me stress. Irritation, sometimes, but it is fleeting.

The first few weeks home were an adjustment. The first week was very hard just coming down from that work anxiety. That feeling of always being on. Phone ringing, email burning up. Slowly, it faded away. My fast paced life became slow. My new pace is in step with two 2-year olds. We have been doing some Mom's club activities a couple times a week, and some days we just chill. If we don't feel like doing much, we don't. We generally have no place to be. And I can't recall having this feeling since those old summer vacations as a kid. I feel a sense of freedom.

The only thing I don't like about being home is all the daily upkeep of the house. The prep and cleaning of 3 meals with two messy toddlers. The daily sweeping, high chair cleaning, kitchen cleaning, laundry (either washing or folding), vacuuming. If I win the lottery, I don't want a nanny, I want a maid. I am not a neat freak (piles of stuff here and there), but I must have certain areas clean.

Nap time is my time. Really, it is rest time. I get up at 5:45 every day to shower and get ready for the day before the kids get up. By 1PM, I am drained and I collapse on our bed and indulge in one of my favorite parts of the day. The West Wing reruns. I loved that show, but I missed a few seasons when I was in grad school. I didn't record it back then, so I am now seeing episodes that I have never seen. The West Wing was so incredibly well-written. When I am getting the kids changed for their nap, I find myself getting excited for the next episode. I have no idea what I am going to do with myself after I watch them all. I guess start all over again. Yes, I love it that much.

Life is good. It's crazy...my life was shit. And now it's the shit.

Comments

[Sue]

I'm so happy for you! :)

[Karon]

And THE SHIT is the bomb!!!!!!!!! You inspire me!

[Tricia]

Great post! So glad you are so happy! It is great!