Love Street

The Shit

Last week we had some warm weather and the kids and I spent a lot of time in the back yard. There were many moments that I stared at Lily and Noah playing, trying to burn the memory into my brain, all the while knowing that my memory will not be able to store all of the precious moments. The most precious moments are not necessarily big moments. They are cute little things they will say or do. Like when I was putting on Lily's shoe and she said hi and kissed me on the cheek. Or when I was sitting on a step and Noah came up to me, gave me a hug and then a kiss. If I could only freeze the look on his face.

I love being with the kids. Sure, I have moments when they frustrate me, but for the most part, I am loving what I am doing. I love being outside with them, the wind in our hair, music playing, birds chirping. I felt such a sense of peace last week and I told Ro that I think I just added back 10 years to my life because I have no stress. The kids don't cause me stress. Irritation, sometimes, but it is fleeting.

The first few weeks home were an adjustment. The first week was very hard just coming down from that work anxiety. That feeling of always being on. Phone ringing, email burning up. Slowly, it faded away. My fast paced life became slow. My new pace is in step with two 2-year olds. We have been doing some Mom's club activities a couple times a week, and some days we just chill. If we don't feel like doing much, we don't. We generally have no place to be. And I can't recall having this feeling since those old summer vacations as a kid. I feel a sense of freedom.

The only thing I don't like about being home is all the daily upkeep of the house. The prep and cleaning of 3 meals with two messy toddlers. The daily sweeping, high chair cleaning, kitchen cleaning, laundry (either washing or folding), vacuuming. If I win the lottery, I don't want a nanny, I want a maid. I am not a neat freak (piles of stuff here and there), but I must have certain areas clean.

Nap time is my time. Really, it is rest time. I get up at 5:45 every day to shower and get ready for the day before the kids get up. By 1PM, I am drained and I collapse on our bed and indulge in one of my favorite parts of the day. The West Wing reruns. I loved that show, but I missed a few seasons when I was in grad school. I didn't record it back then, so I am now seeing episodes that I have never seen. The West Wing was so incredibly well-written. When I am getting the kids changed for their nap, I find myself getting excited for the next episode. I have no idea what I am going to do with myself after I watch them all. I guess start all over again. Yes, I love it that much.

Life is good. It's crazy...my life was shit. And now it's the shit.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Noah!

Dear Noah,

I don't know when it happened, but you have gone from baby to little boy in this last year. I am thoroughly enjoying my time with you at home. I am now getting all of my fair share of hugs and kisses, though I can never give you enough and sometimes I have to chase you down to get a kiss, but let me tell you right now. Even when you are 40 you are not going to be too old to have your mom hug and kiss you.

You love books and cars. You talk a lot, though sometimes I am the only one who can understand you. For instance, it you are trying to say that the bird is getting your snacks, you say boor, snaaa. Your little language is so cute. You don't always get the sounds right. A car is a gaam. I don't know why, it just is. You are too cute. 

I think you have a hair fetish. Well, you like all things soft. Touching a soft texture will send your thumb straight to your mouth. You like to feel soft things with your feet, and if we are sitting up against the couch, you will jump up onto the couch and lean back to put your feet at our heads. You stroke our hair with your toes while sucking your thumb. It is the funniest thing.

You love your sister. You pronounce her name Lileh.  If she is crying, you run to her. Uh oh, Lileh cy, you say. You give her hugs and kisses. You dance with her and you fight with her over toys. She likes to get your goat, and you let her. If you have a toy, she looks at you with a gleam in her eye and says, mine. It gets you so riled up. NO MINE! you reply. And she calmly says, mine. And you go nuts.

I cannot express what a precious soul you are. You are gentle and easy going. You have a smile that melts my heart every time I see it. I love picking you up in the morning. I walk into your room and say Hi, Noah. And you give me a big smile and say Hi, Mama. Every once in a while, you let me hold you for more than a few seconds. You feel so good in my arms. And the best feeling ever is when you come over, unsolicited, and wrap your arms around my neck and give me a hug, then a kiss. Pure bliss.

You are my love, and my life. Happy Birthday, son. I love you.

Mama